Blogging makes me gassy

Surprise, surprise, I don't care for blogging. My feelings for blogging are similar to my feelings for facebook, they're both a waste of time.

But who wants to hear me talk about, how blogging is a waste of time or that facebook will make you sterile? I'm thinking nobody. So let's move on to a more interesting topic. Jesus.

Now I'm not going to sit here and lecture you about not being close enough to Jesus, but I can assure you, if you're reading this blog you're not close enough. I'd prefer to lecture you on Jesus girls, sometimes referred to as "Jesus freaks." ("Jesus Freaks" being a unisex term, which is fine, I'm sure there are Jesus guys out there too).

Urban Dictionary refers to Jesus freaks as " n. Someone who displays an unusual or embarrassing amount of enthusiasm for Jesus.

someone evincing 2 or more of the following symptoms: 1: proclaims the lord is coming with the imminent end of the world 2: has signs on their person, car, or home with bible quotes 3: goes to church more than once a week 4: started their own christian offshoot cult because the rest aren;t pious enough 5: tries to foist an extreme form of christianity off on others 6: is a born-again christian and/or fundamentalist

Have you ever had a crush on a girl that was a Jesus freak?

It's like trying to date a girl who has a boyfriend back home. Except his name is Jesus, and he can see everything she does.

Try doing more than kissing. You might as well be dangling a box of condoms in front of her saying "I got these just for us." SLAP!

God help you if you actually get into a relationship with a Jesus freak. I dated a girl for three months and I barely got to first base. "You know I can't go any further. It just wouldn't be right. What would Jesus think?" She would say.

"Ah, he'd think you were prude." I would respond in my head.

They mean well and they're nice girls. But the idea of waiting till marriage for sex is deranged. It's like going to a car dealership and having the dealer say "Sorry. You have to buy the car before you can drive it." Knowing my luck, it'd be a Ford or Chevy dealership too. Suppressing your sexual feelings till marriage is bound to result in so much pent-up sexual aggression that it would overflow, leaking into other facets of your life. I guess that's why so many Christians like Christian Rock.

How can you know you are truly meant to be with someone, if you've never slept with them? Relationships (in my opinion) reach a new level after you've slept with someone, so marring a person you haven't slept with yet, would be like marrying a stranger.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter whether the person next to you believes in Jesus, is a virgin, or just has really shitty taste in music. All that matters is if they make you happy. The earlier in life you understand that, they happier you'll be. I promise.